The psychology of communicating with people is a section of psychology that studies the characteristics of varieties of communication, the definition of basic rules that contribute to the success of the interviewee. It is also aimed at eliminating difficulties in dialogue and fear of communicating with people.

One of the basic rules of communication is not just speech. Also important is the emotional color of the conversation. Learning to be a good interlocutor is very simple, you just need to understand the principles and rules on which the psychology of communication with people is based.

Communication is one of the basic social functions of society.

Classification of communication:

• Friendly.
• Intimate.
• Business.

Communication is a contact between people for the purpose of exchanging information and experience, for conducting joint activities.

The art of communication is one of the main and weighty life experiences that people should have. It does not depend on the social status, place of work or way of life, because the psychology of communicating with people is present in any conversation. Expression of the face, tin, facial expressions and intonation indirectly affect the interlocutor when talking.

A person who knows the basic principles of communication, it is much easier to put the necessary information in the right direction, achieve certain results and achieve success in communicating with people.

Skills of communication with people as a guarantee of successful authority

In order to learn how to communicate correctly, understand the interlocutor and communicate information profitable for themselves during the conversation, the scientists singled out a number of rules, the observance of which will help to find harmony in any conversation.

Basic rules in communication:

1. Sincerity.
2. Smiling.
3. Appeal by name.
4. Listening skills.
5. Interesting information.
6. The importance of the interlocutor.

Communication on the rules of psychology highlights a number of tips that will help to establish contact with the interlocutor and hone personal skills in this difficult matter.

First of all, it is necessary to let your interlocutor know that the opinion is good. This will put him to positive communication, but you should also give your authority.

The presentation of information should be accessible and understandable to others. It is recommended to use emotional color in conversation, but in moderation. When you talk one-on-one, you should adapt to your interlocutor, this will help to arrange it to yourself.

A true manifestation of interest in the interlocutor. Will help create a trusting environment when talking.

An invaluable quality of a person is the ability to ask leading questions that facilitate the further derivation of the necessary information. And do not forget that when talking with people you need to be able to listen to your interlocutors.

Observing the basic rules and communication skills in the presence of self-confidence can easily achieve staggering results and become one of the best interlocutors.

Basic rules of psychology of communication with a girl

Every educated person knows about the rules of communication, decency, etiquette, and so on, whose violation in society is unacceptable. For men there are also certain rules, observance of which will help to appear before the fair sex in the best possible light.

10 rules of communication with a girl:

1. Positive attitude.
2. Remain a man.
3. Self-confidence.
4. Do not intrude.
5. Surprise me.
6. Do compliments.
7. Ability to listen and hear.
8. Active communication.
9. Comprehensive development.
10. Purposefulness.

After reading the rules, you should determine the main and half the success in your pocket.

The main secrets of successful communication with a girl:

• Establishing a connection.
• Search for a hook.
• An interesting topic of conversation.
• Do not cheat.
• Maintain the conversation.
• Interesting questions.
• Talk about the girl.
• Correct pauses.

Just do not forget that it is important in the conversation sincerity and non-verbal impact. Ability to support the conversation, both word and deed and look will not leave indifferent not one girl.

Causes of fear of communicating with people and ways to eliminate them

Today there is a kind of social phobia, like anthropophobia. This disease, which is accompanied by an obsessive state of fear of people. It consists both in fear of appearance in a large congregation of people, and in communicating with people. In such a case, for the elimination and treatment should seek help from specialists.

The main causes of fear of communication:

• Low self-esteem.
• The presence of negative experience.
• Lack of experience of communication.

Having determined the reasons, we proceed to eliminate them. First you need to understand and realize the presence of fear, and look at the situation from the outside. Accepting information about the presence of fear will allow us to start working on this problem. Here we must convince ourselves that this is not an abstract fear, but a false belief about its existence.

The main thing that is worth doing in the fight against the fear of communicating with people is a systematic work on oneself. It is possible to achieve this, when conducting, training in front of a mirror, visualizing the situation.

The process of communication should always be easy, interesting and exciting. You can achieve success only if you have confidence in your voice, ease of behavior, a sincere smile on your face and a feeling of complete inner peace.

Do not forget that the formation of certain qualities, skills and abilities of various techniques and techniques of communication occurs only with experience. So do not be afraid. Begin communication with close people or for small audiences, gradually increasing your opportunities.

Well, it may be that you applied the method of projective questions, but you had some doubts, it turned out or did not work. And in this case we have another interesting method called "three pluses and three minuses". As this question sounds, here's an example, I want to find out how the candidate relates to this or that factor. I ask a question, name three pluses and three minuses of business trips. Or I want to find out how the candidate relates to working with people and ask, name three pluses and three minuses of working with people. Or I want to find out how the candidate relates to the same career, I also ask him the same question, name three pluses and three minuses of career growth. Or I have some specific team where men predominate, I ask the candidate, give me three pluses and three minuses of such a team.
  This is a technique that can not be deceived. Now I will explain why. When the candidate answers, in the majority, except for some bookkeepers, lawyers and bank employees who are accustomed to follow the instructions rigidly, i.е. said three, then three. Most refer to more pluses or minuses, depending on how they relate to this issue. If they see more pluses, they call more pluses, if they see more minuses, then they call more minuses.
But, if the person who used to follow the instructions strictly spoke three, then three. In this case, pay attention to the speed of response. Those. even if the candidate will be hard to name clearly three pluses and minus, where he does not see them, he will have a drop in speed and the candidate will speak much more slowly. Another sign is the sequence from which the candidate starts. If during the interview we use this method several times, then if you see that a person in one place started with pluses, and in the other starts with minuses, at that moment he is more focused on the minuses.
  And finally, if some facts are heard in the candidate's answers, well, for example, the minus of business trips is for someone with small children, then we have to clarify with the candidate, do you have young children? Or, for example, name three pluses and three minuses of a non-standardized working day.
  Another example, when one of the minuses sounds so that if a person lives far away, it is very inconvenient to get. In this case, you need to ask the candidate if he lives far away. Because gaining these pluses and minuses a person can recruit something that does not concern him personally, but recollects some of his friends, subordinates, colleagues, relatives, or just heard somewhere about it. Therefore, here it is better to rework everything from the candidate.

Conflicts in the work collective: we are looking for the correct way out




• Professional testing

  
  

• Ways to properly motivate staff

  
  

• How to overcome the fear of an interview

  
  

• General scheme for testing staff

  Ideally, tests should provide objective information about the abilities and skills of the candidate. Companies can and should use this information as an addition to what was found out in the interview process, or to find out what circumstances need to be clarified in the future at the interview. It is important to remember that no test has 100% accuracy. Therefore, the test results should not be the only [...]

How to properly build relationships with people, so that your work is effective and effective? This issue is important for a variety of professionals: teachers, coaches, coaches, managers and all others who, by type of activity, interact with a wide range of people.

Not all specialists put a good attitude towards people in the first place. Often they pay more attention to professional competence, the quality of the information or services provided. Of course, skill, professionalism, relentless pursuit of excellence and a healthy desire to be a leader are important in any business. But it turns out, all this is not the main thing. The most important thing is the inner benevolent attitude of people towards each other. Your own benevolent attitude to all those you have to deal with at work.

It is worth digging a little deeper, as it becomes clear that people need not only and not so much knowledge and useful information. They need energy. And it is the ability to generously share energy that distinguishes a true master and professional. Some people are frightened by this openness, the focus on energy return. They are afraid of devastation and try to save their resources. However, the psychology of relations offers people a more rational and effective approach: by themselves. And this is possible only under condition of a certain work on yourself, bringing order in your own life.

Only those who do not stand still can bring real benefits, and build their lives in harmony. These people usually have a lot of energy, they act like unique batteries, "recharging" other people through their business and their knowledge. It is not easy to become so. It is important not to be afraid to share a part of yourself, your world, your life.

By the way, the same principle works in. Generously giving their energy to loved ones and loved ones, we bring them considerable benefit. However, you can only share what you yourself have in abundance. And this is possible only on the condition that you yourself lead a full and full life - one in which there is room for yourself, and for various interesting activities and hobbies, joyful and filling you with that very energy. Living such a life, you benefit those who live near you or meet in your path.

Do not take such behavior as selfishness, thereby creating problems in the relationship.

Any activities and passions of your companion / companion are a necessary condition in the family. It is important to be able to accept and respect these aspects of life. After all, happiness and joy are contagious. So, what makes your partner happy is able to bring great happiness to you.

Vadim Kurkin

The way we relate to each other is largely the result of what we feel for each other. Most people build a neutral relationship, some are openly antagonistic, but one way or another, you are indifferent to the bulk of people.

Worse than that! People with a difficult character do not care about you at all. They worry only about themselves. By and large, they are all focused on themselves. That's why they are "difficult".

What can I do? The answer is cruel: practically nothing. It is unlikely that you will be able to change them. And why waste your energy? There is a much easier way out. Remember one simple axiom: "Difficult people are predictable people."

Since difficult people are difficult on their own and communication with them usually presents a difficulty for everyone, then in their behavior a certain behavioral algorithm is clearly traced. If you keep track of some time, you can track these behaviors in order to get ready to work with them. It becomes possible to build plans taking into account the characteristics of these people. They remain true to their habits, and all you have to do is to skillfully maneuver them.

It does not follow from this that you become a spineless opponent or a weak-willed opponent. This means that you will be guided more by the mind than by the emotions. The trick is to determine in advance what you want to get from such a contact, draw up an appropriate plan and stick to it.

If you know that this person is a bore and a great fan of small details, give him these details. "I included all the background material that I could think of, including the spreadsheets of our scripts, in the report, let me know if you need anything else."

If your other interlocutor likes shortness, omit any introductions and go to the point: "I know that you are very busy, so I'll get straight to the point." What do you think about the next phase of development? "

Narcissistic people tell me how wonderful they are. "Jane, I know that you are an expert in the related field, so I summarized the details and gave a couple of recommendations, but I can hope that you will offer any alternative directions if in your opinion they will be more successful?"

The strategy is simple. You do not change a difficult person, if you show "difficulty" in communication. You are indifferent to them, they are attentive only to themselves. Having determined what you need from contact, and having prepared to maneuver, hypocrite, give way, change - call it what you want - you will eventually come to victory. That is, get what you wanted.

It is actually so simple that you can even be visited by the thought that it would be good if everyone were "difficult" people, because "difficult" is easier to manage.

There are 9 basic types of personality that refer to "difficult." Here is their brief overview, sufficient to become an expert in this matter.

Hostile - "Heavy Tank"

The term "Heavy Tank" accurately conveys what creates such a hostile person by nature. Tanks usually immediately turn into an attack. They behave insultingly, abruptly, unexpectedly and frighteningly and carry everything in their path. They attack the manner of people's behavior, their personal qualities. Tanks usually reach short-term goals, but they pay for this by losing friends and spoiled relationships.
Tanks have a strong need to prove to themselves and others the correctness of their view of the world. Most of all put aggression and confidence. The most important belief of the tank is: "If I can convince you to become weak and insecure, then in the eyes of others I will become strong and confident."

An approach:

Let him talk and get a little tired.
- Take the initiative in any possible way.
- Get his attention by calling him by name or by standing up or sitting down.
- Try to seat him.
- Keep eye contact.
- Do not argue with him.
- Show friendliness.

Aggressive - "Sniper"

Snipers are completely unlike "heavy tanks", but they are just as terrible. They prefer a covert approach. Having taken refuge behind the parapet of friendliness, they shoot arrows at the nearest targets; resort to indirect hints; use not entirely playful attempts to tease and release not the most innocent ridicule and taunts. Snipers use the tension in the team to create their own shelter, from which you can strike at the objects of your anger and envy.
They accompany their verbal attacks with friendly gestures, because of the retaliatory strike against them they may look, not as protection, but as an act of aggression, as if you attacked groundlessly.

An approach:

Expose them, bring them out because of brudvostar. Do not let social conventions stop you.
- Do not focus on his point of view, involve everyone to participate in the discussion.
- If you find yourself in a conflict situation with the Sniper, do not take part in it, but insist that the conflict in your presence be terminated.
- Offer him an alternative to direct struggle.

The irreconcilable "grenade launcher"

It is characterized by barely controlled attacks of aggression fueled by rage. These outbreaks can occur during a conversation or discussion, which starts quite friendly. Usually they occur when the grenade launcher feels a physical or psychological threat. A typical reaction of a grenade launcher to a threatening retort is anger, followed by accusations.

An approach:

Give him time to breathe out.
- If he does not stop, interrupt his flash with some neutral phrase (Stop it! Stop!)
- Show that you are serious about his words.
- If possible, take a break and talk to him alone on abstract topics.

Eternal "Complainer"

He bitterly groans and raises a fuss about everything, but never takes real action to correct something. The complainant is a person who finds defects in everything. Sometimes they have justified claims, but very rarely they want to really solve the problem.
The complainants perceive themselves as people who do not have power, but are able to give recipes, what to do, and also as people committed by nature. This confidence leads to the fact that really useful attempts to solve the problem they turn into making claims and complaints.

An approach:

Listen to his claims, even if you consider yourself guilty and lose patience.
- Make it clear that you understand the essence of his claims, responding with the formulation of his statements in other words.
"Do not agree with his speculation, but do not argue, as this will result in the exchange of arguments such as" accusation-justification "- and so on ad infinitum.
- Establish and publish the facts without giving any comments.
- Switch the conversation to a specific solution to the problem.
- If nothing has helped, ask him: "Well, what do you think this discussion should end with?"

Uncommunicative "Buka"

Silent, reluctantly supportive people, encountering any undesirable situation, are silent. Ask them what they think at this moment and receive in return an indistinct muttering. In fact, the Buki use silence as a defensive weapon, trying not to betray themselves and thereby avoid reproaches. On the other hand, silence can become a weapon of aggression and offensive, a way to hurt you, deprive you of access to yourself. Sometimes silence is masked by fear, sullen anger, it can also mean an evil refusal to cooperate.

With personalities of this type it is incredibly difficult to work because of the communication barrier they are building. These people are reluctant to open conversation, their speech is punctuated by long pauses. As a result, communication can fail, and interaction can be unproductive.

An approach:

Instead of trying to guess the essence of his silence - talk it over.
- Ask questions that do not allow monosyllabic answers.
- Ask leading questions, helping the interlocutor.
- Do not pause your comments, wait for a response without irritation.
- If you do not receive an answer, give a comment on what is happening. Finish with a question that allows several answers. Wait a bit and repeat this again.
- Quietly refer to replicas of the type "I do not know" and "I can go?"
- If the interlocutor is revealed, do not skip replicas that are supposedly not relevant, grab the string, and you can solve an important problem.

Superplastic "Plasticine"

Such a person behaves with you reasonably, logically, sincerely, ready to support you, but far from always fulfilling the promised. Such people want to be friends with everyone, they love attention. But their friendliness has a flip side. They tend to entice you with deceptive hints and references to the problem with which they work, readily agree with your plans for accomplishing the task, and after all this they let you down without doing anything.

This type of "difficult people" is particularly problematic, because at first they tame you to the idea that they completely agree with your plans, and then fail you.

An approach:

Find out and identify the reasons that prevent him from doing the work.
- Let him know that you value him as a person, ask about his family, interests, interests.
- Ask him to tell you about what could be a hindrance in your good relationship.
"Listen to his jokes." The witticisms and causters may contain a hint.

Negator "Nihilist"

A person with a negative attitude towards others acts on the collective like corrosion and can deprive people of any incentives to the robot. A denier is a person who, when working in a team, does not agree with any general proposals, but also is the first voice in the chorus of critics of overall success. Sometimes this criticism is perceived as constructive, although in reality it is more likely to destroy the progress achieved by common efforts.

Although these people are angry at the fact that they are unfair to them, they can treat with deep interest and seriousness any task assigned to them. However, they will have a good sense only when they direct the process, because they believe that no one can cope with this better than themselves.

An approach:

Be on the alert, remembering that he can inspire you and your team members with a feeling of deep despair at work.
- Speak with optimism about successes in solving similar problems in the past.
- Do not try to break his pessimism.
- Do not offer your own solutions until the problem is thoroughly analyzed.
- First, raise the issue of the negative aspects of this or that variant of the solution of the problem.
- Promulgate your intentions without evasive and evasive.

Tedious "Know-it-all"

Vsevnazek has an all-consuming need to recognize all their intellectual abilities. They are dull, boring, tiring in communication. Know-it-alls provoke irritation, resentment, anger, sometimes even aggressiveness.

Know-it-all people are very complex. They can be bully; they can be very convincing; besides, they are so confident in their rightness that arguing with them is useless. They like to talk to you as an adult with a child, and it's terribly annoying!

The problems of omniscience result from what they need, so that others around them treat them as people who are significant and respected. Usually people, having worked with the know-it-all, are disappointed. As a rule, this leads to tension in working relationships.

An approach:

Make sure that you are properly prepared for the discussion, carefully review the relevant materials and check their accuracy.
- Avoid dogmatic statements.
- If you do not agree with his arguments, and want to disagree with him, do it in the form of questions.
- Give him the opportunity to save face.
"If possible, talk to him alone, without strangers."

Indecisive "Shellfish"

In the soul of the indecisive man is sitting, striving for perfection and trying to break out. The trouble is that he does not succeed. There are two types of indecisive: one wants everything to be done according to his understanding and nothing else; the second intentionally delays the discussion, offering more and more new points of view, confusing and causing annoyance to the participants in the process. Indecisive, as a rule, with difficulty can convey to others their thoughts, desires, opinions. The most they can do is to step back, because they can not survive stress. To cope with stress, he begins to waste time, summing up his colleagues. They stop work without considering alternative ways of doing it.

An approach:

Help him talk about the conflicts and obstacles that prevent him from making a decision.
- Listen to phrases that are not directly related to the topic - this can lead you to the crux of the problem.
- Offer your plan, help in making the decision.
- When a solution is found, demonstrate your support.
- Follow the phased implementation of the task.
- Watch for signs of anger and attempts to escape from conversation.
  The materials of Roy Liley's book "How to work with difficult people" are used.

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Every day most of us communicate with a variety of people and on a variety of issues. And if in communication with family members we usually feel easy and confident, working dialogues do not always work out successfully and it happens that it is difficult for us to convey our ideas to colleagues or subordinates. They just do not hear us.

In addition, if you run your own online business   , then much of your time goes to online communication (with designers, editors, administrators, marketers, managers, etc.), which has its own specifics and its laws. After all, if in a personal conversation you can explain something, as they say, "on your fingers", then in correspondence it is not always so simple.

However, if you notice that you can not find a common language with colleagues or employees, then do not despair. The situation can be directed to a different direction and for this it is not at all necessary to be a master of persuasion.

  1. Be honest and natural.

Honesty provides you with respect among employees - both colleagues and subordinates. If you are honest and natural, then you are always pleased to deal with, because people know that you will not deceive them or weave intrigues to get what you want, and therefore they will faithfully perform their work. And this, in turn, is for the benefit of any project or business.

And vice versa - falseness in communication will not promote the development of good relationships. Therefore, be as you are - without hypocrisy, hypocrisy and attempts to manipulate people.

2. Break up the complex task into simple ones.

Agree, there is a difference between assigning "to write an article" and "writing an article on this topic, namely - to make an entry from 15 lines, to paint 10 points and put a call to action in the final." Not to mention complex technical tasks. After all, you can not just tell the designer: "Make me a website." You will try to describe your wishes as accurately as possible, show examples, and set deadlines. To any, even the smallest task, treat with the same care - do not spare time for clarification, and in this case you will be heard and you will get exactly the result you expected.

3. Control your emotions.

When people do not control their emotions in communication and go on shouting, it is unlikely that in such situations they hear each other - they just do not have it. Scream causes anxiety, fear, and fear reduces the ability to think. How will you feel if someone is meaningful with you on elevated tones, for example, the boss? Surely you will seem that you seem to be "stupid". Therefore, learn to control your emotions and conduct a constructive dialogue, because even to express your displeasure, there are much more "adult" methods than switching to higher tones.

  4. Forget the particle "not."

As you probably already know, our subconscious mind stubbornly misses a particle of "not" in any phrase that it hears. And then we wonder why our requests are ignored, and we think that people simply do not hear us and show disrespect to us. And you just need to learn how to communicate with right phrases. For example, instead of the words "Do not delay the project's output any more!" Say "Let's put projects on schedule".

5. Ask instead of ordering.

Promote the interlocutor to the actions necessary for the performance, not in an orderly tone, but convincingly and calmly persuade - with proposals, questions and clear tasks. Do not give orders and do not control every step of employees and colleagues, otherwise you will negate all their motivation and in the end they will not do their job as well as they could. Therefore, if you want the task to be done not only on time, but also qualitatively - just ask, and then you will be sure to be heard.

6. Correctly indicate errors.

Assess the actions of your team members, not their personal qualities. If a person made a mistake, then, analyzing it, make an accent on his actions, leading to an error, and not on the features of his character. Otherwise, an indication of an error can lead to a decrease in the employee's initiative and loss of self-confidence, and this directly affects the entire project. Discuss together the algorithm of new correct actions and then you will hear each other, the consequences of the error will be eliminated, and friendly relations will be preserved.

  7. Be a reliable member of the team.

Let colleagues know that you can be relied on and that you are a person of words, especially if you are a project manager or own business owner   . Working for such a leader, people will feel their responsibility and invest in the whole 100. In any team work it is important that people clearly know their tasks and solve them together, shoulder to shoulder and actively interacting. And when there is trust in such a team, then communication develops by itself and people hear each other.

8. Praise the achievements.

If you do not stimulate a person with praise, soon he will have indifference and fatigue, and this will directly affect the overall results. Therefore, encourage your team and recognize their dignity - sincerely, openly and with all your heart. So you will not only maintain a positive atmosphere among participants in the work process, but also help them feel their importance for the cause. With such a positive attitude, employees and colleagues will easily conquer new professional peaks and move the business forward.

  9. Learn to listen and hear yourself.

If you want to be heard, first of all become a good listener yourself. All of us are imperfect, but at times we tend to demand from others more than we demand from ourselves. We can wait with annoyance when someone at work will perform their task on time, while themselves easily forget that the child has already the second week asks to take a walk with him in the park. Therefore, every day train your ability to listen to others - regardless of who you are currently communicating with. This skill will be invaluable for both your personal life and business.

The atmosphere of relationships in the business team is very important, especially for us women. After all, as a rule, we are more impressionable and emotional, and therefore the environment is of great importance for us. And from the internal state depends the success of the work, and harmony in personal relationships.

Therefore, despite the fact that business is a professional part of our life, but also there must be a place for love in it. That love that is a good attitude to people. If you wish colleagues and employees of good, then you will automatically communicate with them correctly - so that they will always hear you.

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